


Christmas Production

by ladykarasu



Category: One Piece
Genre: Bad Acting, Don't wake a sleeping swordsman, Franky and his suspiciously glowing crotch, M/M, Pre-Timeskip, Ship full of Hams, Some nakama are more enthusiastic than others, Usopp needs to think these things through, Zoro and Sanji are getting along as always, Zoro's a big old softie, inappropriate casting, ye olde kick-to-the-head wakeup call
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-24
Updated: 2011-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-28 01:51:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/302415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladykarasu/pseuds/ladykarasu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: In a valiant attempt to get Zoro into the holiday spirit (especially the part that involves giving presents to brave warriors of the sea), Usopp enlists his friends to play the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Yet to Come. Zoro is not amused.  [Holiday Exchange Fic]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Christmas Production

**Author's Note:**

> One should not pester the target of one's carefully crafted plan to receive gifts...

There were some things Usopp simply _knew_ , without having to think too hard about them. Among them were that if Nami was offering (anything), there was a catch (and it was probably a big one); He could always rely on Chopper to believe his stories; and Zoro, was not subtle.

It was the third notion he was currently brooding about. Generally, Usopp could figure out early on when Zoro planned on doing anything for him. It wasn't that he wasn't a thoughtful person - he could be very sweet in that awkwardly masculine way he had - but he didn't seem to quite grasp the nuances of romance (insofar as he was capable of anything resembling the traditional idea of 'romance') and tended to be relatively blunt in his presentation of gifts and gestures. Even in those rare times when he attempted to surprise Usopp -as with his most recent birthday- he did nothing to hide his plans from Luffy or Chopper, which often resulted in his learning of them shortly thereafter.

Not that he minded, really; anticipation of a known outcome could be just as pleasing as a surprise, and that tendency was just one of the things that made Zoro, Zoro. It was endearing in its own way, because regardless of his nature, this man so caught up in his own goals loved HIM, and took precious time away from his otherwise ceaseless pursuit of betterment to spend it with the sniper. No, this was not at all the problem Usopp had at the moment. What was bothering Usopp was the fact that Christmas was fast approaching, and he had not gotten the slightest hint that Zoro was planning anything for him.

That, was a travesty he could not abide.

Truth be told, sometimes the swordsman did not realize when a gift was an appropriate reaction, but this one should be obvious, shouldn't it? Christmas was almost synonymous with gifts; for all his distraction with 'becoming the greatest swordsman in the world', he couldn't have forgotten that, could he?

No, it couldn't be that; he'd been slacking off in his training, lately, missing hours here and there- and he'd been sleeping even more often than normal through the days... maybe he wasn't feeling well? Usopp had never seen that happen, per se, and wondered if he COULD get sick (Zoro had stared down some of the largest, scariest pirates out there without blinking- what chance would a few little germs stand?), but just to be safe, he'd have to ask Chopper about that later.

That aside... he set down the last of his wrapping, and scrunched up his face, debating on how to subtly prod the other man on this subject, when he so obviously missed 'subtle' in anything but a fight.

Dropping hints wouldn't work, and coming right out and saying something just wouldn't be appropriate. Frustrated, and no closer to a solution, he set aside that problem in favor of sleep; maybe he would come up with something tomorrow.

~*~*~

Usopp grinned, fiddling with a box of castoffs from other projects. A length of wire here, an old lamp there; he would need to acquire some fabric for the others, but the last might be served by the tarp from the hold...

He was on a mission.

The evening had been more productive than he could have hoped- his subconscious giving the idea needed to move the swordsman. He KNEW what he could do, now, to prompt the other man to a proper reaction to the season (i.e. giving him gifts).

Now to set it up, and talk his unsuspecting accomplices into it…

~*~*~

Two days before Christmas, and it had all come together, finally. The others had agreed to help him in what would be the greatest production this ship had ever seen; Sanji had fought for the last role - the future - but Usopp finally convinced him that Brook would be the better choice, given his... ah, assets. Everything else went smoothly in the planning, the roles handed out with some amusement among the crew. Some of the newcomers hadn't understood why they couldn't be in the first scene (Franky was insistent that he could make it _SUPER!_ ) but eventually the plan was agreed on.

Christmas Eve came.

At dinner, Sanji quietly pulled out the liquor, serving a little, but leaving the bottle within easy reach of the swordsman. The glare received after taking the bait was simply to avert any suspicion the green-haired man may have had at the lack of derision from the cook; but there was no protest when the bottle was quickly finished, and another had replaced it when the first was discarded.

This repeated several times through dinner, and by the end of it Usopp was pleased to note that Zoro looked pleasantly relaxed. Now, if things went to plan, Zoro would shortly be asleep- on deck, or at the table- for at least long enough for him to prepare, and then wander off to bed. He didn't have watch again until the next day - having come directly from the crow’s nest to eat (a trick of scheduling he'd thank Nami for, if he didn't think it would remind her he owed her for it) - so there was nothing to interrupt his plan.

At the first sound of snoring (Zoro had apparently been comfortable where he was) the crew quietly left the table, moving towards their chosen tasks. Usopp had doubts about the theatrical expertise of some of his accomplices, but decided their audience would likely be drunk enough not to notice.

~*~*~

Everything was coming together, preparations for the first phase complete, and the first ‘spirit’ had gone to do her job. Usopp trembled slightly with nerves; he was in every scene the 'ghosts' were going to show Zoro, so he had to be ready to change his appearance, and the location for each. The first had been the most difficult to set up; he had to recreate the basic look of Merry's interior, which meant blocking off extra space and rearranging things to match with limited time and resources. Franky wasn't _pleased_ exactly, but since none of it was permanent, he'd allowed the 'stage' to be set up.

As he heard footsteps in the hallway, he touched his old goggles - once again gracing his brow- and steeled himself for his performance...

~*~*~

Robin straightened her gown, gauzy white material floating out to the sides when she moved. She was rather enjoying the snipers plan - she wasn't convinced it would work as designed, but the production itself was entertaining. Smiling to herself, she entered the men's bunk.

She had chosen to go first, more to prepare the swordsman than anything else; Zoro could be jumpy, depending on how he was woken up, and some of the others may have been too exuberant in their roles. She stopped, several feet from the sleeping form, and concentrated. An arm sprouted next to the swordsman, tapping him lightly on the shoulder - then, when no reaction was apparent, shaking him a little. His breathing changed, so she knew he was awake, but he did not move immediately, and she knew he was feeling out for possible danger. He wouldn't expect an enemy among friends, here- the reason he didn't wake up on her entry- but once there was a deviation from the norm he would be wary; and a wary Zoro was dangerous. _This_ was why she went first.

She knew the light cloth, and white powder on her skin stood out in the dim lighting of the room, so she waited patiently for his eyes to focus on her. Finally, his head moved, eyes coming to rest on the odd sight she presented. A perplexed look crossed his face, but he said nothing, waiting for her to speak.

She smiled in greeting, and lightly introduced herself, “I am the ghost of Christmas past, one of three who will visit you this night.” She chuckled softly, watching his expression waver between confusion and annoyance. “If you would accompany me for a moment, we can get you back to sleep, sooner.” She winked, then, indicating with a gesture the door behind her, and he settled on a resigned look, following her out with minimal protest.

When they arrived at the room the sniper had chosen, the 'play' began; Usopp and Luffy sat giggling over a project involving paint, paper and little bits of wood. The dialogue explained that they were making a gift to surprise Zoro, for their first Christmas together- Luffy grossly overacting all the while.

When they had finished what they wanted seen, the lights went out abruptly, leaving the entryway lit only by the ambient light in the hall. In the sudden silence, Robin could hear her charge huff a short sigh, then ask, "Ok, what now?"

"Do you remember this?"

There was a pause, then a grunt of assent.

"How did it make you feel?" Taking pity on the man, she started guiding him back to his bed while waiting for his answer.

He snorted, following at a relaxed pace. "It was dumb, but I wouldn't complain."

Truth be told, she knew he still had the novelty tucked safely away among his few possessions. Robin didn't think anyone else knew, though, and wouldn't mention it, now.

She paused at the door, allowing him to pass. "Goodnight, Zoro-kun."

He move around her, then paused halfway to his bed. "Two more, you said?"

She chuckled, but made a sound of assent. "I tried to be quick, so you could sleep longer."

He grumbled something she didn't catch, and then sighed again, completing his trek to the bed. "'night Robin."

She didn't bother to correct him, leaving him to his valuable sleep.

~*~*~

When the 'second' spirit came, he was already awake; senses stretched for the footsteps he knew he'd eventually hear. What he did NOT expect was the rattle of bone on bone.

This 'spirit' didn't get a chance to introduce himself before Zoro's incredulous, "Brook?!"

“Yohoho— er…”

Brook self-consciously straightened his robes, and the wreath sitting precariously on his head. "Ah... no... I would be the ghost of- er-", he looked down at his outfit, as if to verify, "Christmas Present. Yes. Present."

Zoro blinked, a number of retorts regarding Brook's appearance, and his 'spirit' designation running through his head, but choking them all back. Getting into that would only keep him up longer.

"Ok, fine, whatever; show me what you're going to so I can get back to sleep."

He thought the man might have blinked in reaction, if he had eyelids... or eyes; but all he really got in return was a brief blank stare, and a shrug before he was led away again.

As they approached the next chosen room, Zoro could hear two voices in hissed argument.

 _"What the hell are you doing here?!"_

 _"I'm taking the next one."_

 _"BROOK is supposed to have the next one!"_

 _"Well I wanted it, and he didn't mind switching..."_

There was a stifled choking noise, before, _"He's out there NOW?! Did you miss the theatrical quality of him being a SKELETON?! That's absolute GOLD! And_ completely _wrong for Christmas Present--"_

At that point his 'guide' coughed loudly, and the argument abruptly ceased. "Now", he said, with abused dignity, "here we are..."

This room, apparently, housed everyone except the two watchers- and largely related to decorating for the season, and how together they all were and so on and so forth. There were a few blatant questions about gifts and who was getting who what, and how important it was to show someone you cared through presents and tokens.

The acting was easily worse than the first performance; more players only trying to outdo each other. And Franky... he didn't even want to know what Franky was wearing, but it _glowed_.

When the light went out this time (someone hastily covered Franky, as his crotch remained a beacon well after the traditional lights went out), he didn't wait for his 'guide' to talk, simply grumbled an “ok, fine, I get it", and headed back to his bed. With luck he'd get at least a few hours in before the next one...

~*~*~

He was not particularly surprised, when he woke next, to find a heal whizzing towards his head. After the overheard conversation before, he'd kind of expected it. He was a little surprised Sanji had gotten that close to him before he'd noticed, however. Must have been missing too much sleep, lately; it was taking its toll on his reactions.

Jerking to the side and rolling to his feet, he snatched up his weapons, uncharacteristically waiting to see if the other man would continue now that he was awake and ready. He was honestly too tired to enjoy it, anyway.

There was a brief moment where it appeared that he had been thinking about it, but it passed, and the cook straightened his dark hood, pressing wrinkles out of the coarse black material draping over his shoulders towards the floor. A thin curl of smoke escaped his hood, lazily snaking towards the ceiling.

“Wake up, ya shitty bastard; I'm the ghost of Christmas Future, and I'm here to knock some sense into you.”

Zoro was too busy noticing how silly the other man looked, for those words to register, and so another fight was avoided. Chuckling to himself, he simply waved a hand at the door, and followed when the cook departed. The other man almost looked disappointed.

This show was somewhat more dire than the others; showing the crew bickering and fighting, and generally carrying on. It was implied somewhere along the way that it all started with someone forgetting to give someone else a present, and had gone downhill from there. The acting, at least, had gotten a little better. It was still horribly overdramatic, but fighting they knew. This time when the lights went out (he ducked quickly, just in case, and was gratified to hear a thud and curse beside him) he went back to bed without a word. If Robin was correct – and she usually was - that was the last one, and he had a long overdue appointment with his bed.

~*~*~

Christmas morning was greeted with much revelry, as was Christmas afternoon and evening. Food and drink were plentiful all day (a feat - even for Sanji - with Luffy on board), and had prepared an individual dessert for each of them- the cook's gift for the season.

Everyone had some small trinket for one another; they had been on the run so much, lately, they hadn't been able to make port long enough for anything more substantial, but it was really the thought that counted. Tiny handmade baubles were passed around, and as the day wore on, Usopp got more fidgety. Zoro didn't seem to be participating, and was celebrating more quietly than usual...

He shook off the apprehension, and decided he would gently confront the man after dinner- maybe he was just embarrassed? How much could someone do overnight, after all?

After they had eaten, the sniper was heartened to see the swordsman move to hand out a few small items throughout the remainder of the evening- discreetly, with a few quiet words to each person. Except Sanji, who nearly got clocked in the head with his ( _“It was an accident!” “How was_ that _an accident?!” “I missed!”_ )

His anticipation grew as the night wore on, but he was patient, waiting for the time to be right. He could only assume the swordsman wanted to get him alone, first; everyone else was treated privately for theirs, and he hadn't seen a glimpse of what anyone else had gotten; each ferried away before the covering was removed.

Finally, one of the last two people fighting back sleep, Zoro got up for bed.

Usopp blinked in confusion, managing to call out just before the other man got through the door. “But- Zoro... what- what about me?”

He looked back, weariness etched across his features. “What about you?”

He squirmed uncomfortably under that gaze; it felt almost like he had done something wrong... “You don't... have anything for me?”

The other man blinked, then shrugged. “Should I?”

 _This_ floored the sniper. Confusion and hurt chased themselves around his head, and he had to focus to get out the words, “You don't... how could you not have anything for me?”

Zoro paused, as if contemplating the question, then returned dryly, “I don't know, must have forgot.” The tone was lost on the sniper.

There was a brief lull in conversation while Usopp took the time to gape; it was only proper to gape before sputtering in indignation, after all.

As his mouth finally started forming sounds - if not quite words- a little smirk crept onto the swordsman's face, and Usopp just knew it was at his expense.

“But... how... it's...but.... _Christmas!_ ”

The last was almost petulant in it's delivery; conveying that he was, in fact, very offended indeed to be passed over on this joyous holiday of gift giving and camaraderie, even if he was unable to string those exact words together, precisely.

Before he managed to construct -and verbalize- his first complete (and grammatically correct) sentence, Zoro calmly paced back, patting his shoulder lightly, saying, “I'm sure you'll survive...”, and walking out of the room.

Usopp sat in stunned silence for what seemed like hours. He was hurt; even with the reminder, Zoro had still forgotten him- remembered everyone else, and forgotten him.

When he finally made his way to the room, he was surprised to find a small, wrapped parcel on his bed. He looked around, seeing contented, sleeping forms, but Zoro was no where to be found.

Picking up the gift he noticed the attached note, on which was scrawled, “If you didn't keep me up all night, I'd have given you this, earlier.”

He blinked, chagrined, and started opening the package. Inside lay a small wooden statue of Sogeking- shoulders thrown back proudly, cape frozen, flapping in the breeze. He stood defiant, legs braced on a tiny 'rock' outcropping; a miniature rendition of kabuto thrust in front of him, butted challengingly in the ground before him.

It was... breathtaking.

His fingers ran over the smooth surface, finding no burrs or rough spots in the wood. It was intricately carved- details lovingly rendered, and Usopp was sure it had to have taken hours- days of work to complete. When had Zoro had the time...?

With a sudden jolt, his chagrin deepened into shame; _this_ was why the swordsman had been more tired than usual – why he had been slacking off in his training, as well. He must have been up all night, the last few weeks, working when no one would see him.

His baseless doubt in the other man weighed heavy on him, and he swallowed, regretting now the production he had put on the night previous- the first time the other man would have gotten a full night's sleep since he started this project, and the sniper had gone and ruined it.

Bracing himself, he made a decision; gently stowing his gift, he rose, intending to search for the swordsman. He had to reconcile things.

He tried the obvious places first - the deck, lookout, and lounge were clear – then he started on the workrooms. When he reached the infirmary he paused, uncertain if he should knock or just enter; there was a bed here, and likely where Zoro had gone, if not to his bunk. After a minute of dithering a voice, rough with sleep, called out, “Just come in.”

He jumped at the sound, feeling guilty he'd woken Zoro again, but entered, and waited by the doorway for... something- he wasn't sure what. The other man sized him up for a few uncomfortable moments, then grunted softly, and lifted his blankets. “Get in, already- I’m trying to sleep.”

He did as he was told, and smiled when a strong arm circled him, pulling him close. Warm breath puffed against his neck in slow, relaxed bursts, and he thought- maybe he hadn't done too badly, after all. They could talk in the morning, if Zoro felt like it; now was time to catch up on some sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2007 Zosopp Holiday Exchange. Originally Posted: 1/31/08  
> Recipient: Lily22 (Livejournal)


End file.
